Are you really under Control?

A sperm fertilized an ovum and gave life to the walking shell of nerves and arteries that we call a Human. A shell that constantly dangles between actions, their reactions and consequences.

From the moment you exist, life becomes all about choices and decisions. Choices and decisions that govern your life, dictate the turn and flow your life will take. A butterfly flaps its wings and your entire life might turn upside down. All your miniscule decisions are building blocks to something greater, larger than yourself. Every action plays a vital role in deciding your future 10 years down the line.

The question that arises next is whether we really have control over our decisions? Do we really decide the pieces that go into our puzzle or do we just try to force the pieces that are handed to us? Are our decisions completely un-influenced by the biases that surround us? Will our decisions ever be purely ours?

A 2-year old, still learning the ways of life, has minimal-to-no-control over it. His life is governed by his sleep and digestive cycles. His primal instincts rule his nature and a young kid has basically no control over the path his life takes. As we grow up, grow older, we gradually begin to crave the freedom of choice and decision-making. The phase is famously labelled as “teenager-angst” or “rebel-phase.” The society cannot fathom the mere idea of handing the crucial ability to make decisions over to young adults trying to find their identity, their existence, their place in the world. Parents, relatives, neighbours, elders of society, anybody and everybody even remotely related, all want, sorry, need a say in an individual’s life. The century might change but “We know better” remains constant. The only thing that is constant about life is that it is unique, specifically tailored for an individual, ever-changing. The only way to know it is by living it, experiencing it. Aren’t we all just headless-chickens running around trying to find out the way to remain significant before being buried in a ditch? Anyone who believes otherwise is a fool living a delusion. The only person who knows what’s best for you is you. Not your neighbour or your sabzi-wala or your great-aunt who has spent her life burying her nose where it doesn’t belong. The only person who knows you, knows your deepest, darkest thoughts and desires is you. You and you alone know the future you envision for yourself and efforts and decision making it requires. While it is a basic human behaviour to seek advice and guidance, the luxury of making a decision should fall upon you and your alone. Be it your clothes, career, life partner or the colour of nailpolish that you wear best, in the end, the decision needs to be yours. It is on you to make an informed decision post the safe advice seeking from those around you. It is on you to take control of your life, mistakes and all. Would you rather suffer and learn from your own mistakes or the mistakes forced upon you by others who apparently “know better”.

Take advice. Breathe it all in. Let it settle. And then, take the wheel into your own hands and make sure nobody else is sitting in the driver’s seat of your life. Accept your mistakes, your flaws, your success with open arms and notice the weight of the “know better” lift off your shoulders.

Be in control.

Log Kya Kahenge?

There are 3 steps to decide your career in India.

1-Develop an interest in a field.

2-Get an approval of your parents.

3-Decide if that profession is accepted in the society. (Repeat step 1 if your interest isn’t socially acceptable.)

                                                  Yes, most of the decisions we take are scrutinized, judged and then commented upon by the society. If you are something other than a doctor, engineer or lawyer, you are not ‘successful’ in life. Who decides that? The “log” part of our society does, the people who think that pursuing something other than the already established and famous fields means that you aren’t good or smart enough. Why is that said? Why is anything other than medical or engineering seem less significant?

                                                        All the actions we take, every person we meet, every place we go, every career we pursue, we are constantly watched and judged by the society. Many dreams have perished due to this life-changing sentence: Log kya kahenge? Under the fear of being judged by the crowd, we give up on our hopes and ambitions, dreams and aspirations. Everything, from our clothes to our life partner to our career is judged by the society. We cannot choose to become a DJ or a hair stylist or a tattoo artist since they fall under the category of “unsuccessful” jobs and then LOG KYA KAHENGE? A girl cannot wear certain types of clothes and a guy cannot have a tattoo on his arm because LOG KYA KAHENGE? You cannot divorce your husband who beats you black and blue because LOG KYA KAHENGE? Each and every step of our life we take, we have to fight with the society to prove ourselves. No matter how successful we are in our life, we can never be good enough for the society. All that is displayed by the public about us are our faults and miseries.

                                                     So what do you do about this? Do you let the community eat up your dreams and let yourself live a life you are clearly unhappy and disappointed with? Will you settle for a daily 9-5 job when you rather live a satisfying life as a DJ or hair stylist? What do you do? What you do is not pay heed to unpleasant comments of the society and do what fits best for you. It is not the society which will stand by you in times of your downfalls so it will not be the society that decides what makes you happy. Prove the society wrong by excelling at what you do. Instead of giving in to the attempts made by the society to bring you down, use it as an inspiration to boost your self esteem. Then when the threatening question, “LOG KYA KAHENGE?” haunts you, tell yourself that Log kahenge, toh kya?