Mirror Mirror.

“I bought a new car.”

“Oh you did? I already had one. It is so much better than yours.”

 

“Oh, I have been having a miserable day.”

“Really? My day was worse. Much worse than yours.”

Haven’t we all met such people in our life? People who will always keep their happiness, their misery, their sorrow before anybody else’s. People who fail to look beyond that bubble of “self”.

A very common phrase that every person uses:

Look in the mirror before commenting anything.

“Aayine mai jaake dekh apne aap ko.”

So why exactly is this phrase used?

It is used for looking at ourselves before we say or act regarding something. When we look into the mirror, it is not only our physical appearance that is reflected. We see our inner self. Our soul. Our deepest secrets. Our ugly truths. We see beyond just skin and flesh. We see ourselves for who we are.

So how does this “reflection” be of any use to us in correcting our behavior and feelings towards another being?

It is a basic human instinct to connect more with a person who is going through a similar situation, a similar feeling, a similar emotion. We feel more empathetic towards someone who is living through something we have experienced. We look at them and see a faint hint of ourselves. And there is no better way to be there for someone when you put yourself in their shoes, isn’t it?

But there are a few who consider the “mirror” as a concrete wall in which only their emotions are allowed to exist. They look in the mirror not to develop a sense of empathy or understanding towards another person’s emotions, but as a means through which they can only exist with their experiences and wallow in their sorrow. They refuse to see beyond that concrete wall. They refuse to consider any emotion that is foreign to their bubble. All they see is “me, myself and I”.

This is not the worst part.
What is worse is that they expect others to consider their bubble too. They expect others to dwell upon and be a part of the emotions they go through. It does not matter what that other individual feels or is going through. All that matters is “them”.

We often look at these people with a sense of pity and we try to help them. Yes, people who dare to put someone else’s emotion before their’s do exist.

What happens to them? They get crushed under the weight of the wall they tried breaking.

The thing is, people are so satisfied with their own emotions that they do not want to feel anything else. They do not have the guts to feel the pain of others.

Hence, THE WALL.

When asked to look into the mirror to reflect upon someone else’s condition, what happens?

They see their own misery. They also manage to suck you into that void, a place where you feel nothing but their sadness and happiness.

You will smile when they do, you will laugh when they will, you will cry for them, with them.

Will they?

No. Because your emotions are not allowed to exist. Because you need to feel what they do, not what you think you do.

So is there a way out of this?

There is. There always is.

The first step is to realise. Realise that the mirror we are looking in, is the wrong one. Realise that it is time to pick that thing up and let it shatter. Along with that, the immense feeling of self-pity, being self-centered, thinking about only “me”, will shatter. Realise that the proof of love is not to dwell in someone’s emotions, but it is that attempt they make to break down your mirror, your wall. Realise that each and every person is going through something. Something that is breaking them from the inside even when they refuse to show it to the outside world.

This realisation is all that takes to break down that wall, that mirror. Because, one we understand that, we see the world a bit clearly. We see that we weren’t the only ones who were trying to break down that wall. We had many who were trying to show us the real mirror.

The mirror that makes us a human.

A human who cares.

Without it, we are selfish people destroying every and anything around us.

Look at your mirror. See if it is the correct one.

And today’s breaking news is?

 

In times where staying connected, having knowledge about events from all over the world is of utmost importance, the major sources of this information are the “news channels”. So I switch on to some xyz channel and there are continuous flashes of a women’s cleavage (of course censored). The words “BREAKING NEWS” cover the entire screen and then when the entire story is put out, it is about some actress wearing a particular dress at a function where her cleavage becomes“breaking news”. This piece of news is run for over an hour and the same is repeated a day later questioning if this was an “intentional” mistake. Where there are groups of people fighting for the self-respect of the women of our society, here we make the display of her body and call it“news”. If such a news item is not available, the next item they go to is RELATIONSHIPS.

AAJ YEH HERO AUR YEH HEROINE DIKHE THE SAATHMAI COFFEE PEETE HUE. KYA PYAAR KA MAUSAM AA GAYA HAI INKE LIYE?

And yes, this is a “BREAKING NEWS”, or in more familiar terms-SANSANI KHABAR. So this is what is defined as“news”. Not the numerous murders, not the various acts of terrorism. No, that is an “everyday thing”. We will devote an entire news piece, an hour of it to a random person speaking ill of the nation but not to youngsters fighting for their rights. We will not show the numerous kids dying of hunger or begging on the streets just to have one meal. We will not create awareness regarding the various health and environment related issues but we will show a 3 hour news piece of two politicians abusing each other over the screen. Yes that is what is to be done because it is necessary to keep the TRPS up. What is better than the display of pictures of female body to shoot up the TRP? Why think of the effect it has on the masses? Why think of the consequences of a particular news item on a person or community? We just need to pull up the number of our viewers and be content with it.

AN ELEPHANT IS STILL LOOSE. IT TRAMPLED A SCOOTER PARKED NEAR BY.”

This statement was flashed at least for an hour or two and guess what? This also was a SANSANI KHABAR.

Rape victims are asked questions: How did you feel after getting raped?

Statements like ‘It was the girl’s fault that she was out late in the night’ ‘Two movie stars spent an evening together having dinner. So are they having an affair?’ should not be encouraged by continuously providing them news coverage. Wardrobe malfunctions in any event should not be turned into breaking news as person’s attire or his/her body is never a “news item”. The social and personal effect it makes cannot be put into words.

Making up a news item just because you don’t have news at that moment is both morally and ethically wrong. News media is responsible only to deliver the information about the events happening and not making a huge issue of it. An emotional mindset needs to be maintained, ie, consent to the feelings of the victim, the viewers needs to be made while talking about an issue. Because the media has a greater impact on our minds than what we realize. It builds or breaks a man’s character in the society. It decided who you are for the society. It controls all the cards of changing a man’s future. And with this control, comes a responsibility of being kind, considerate. Don’t only be a reporter, be a human too.

Indeed, the pen is mightier than the sword.

The one who stands by you.

                                                                              Friends: The people who we fall back on when the situation is against us. The people we expect to stand by our side when things fall apart. But how do we decide who these people are? How do we differentiate between people who really are our friends and the ones who ACT like they will be someone we can rely on? In the times when loyalty has become just a concept and not an act, when people have just become instruments of our gain, when the true definition of friendship is lost, who do we trust? Who do we put our faith in?

                                                                                As people who meet new individuals everyday, who communicate with people worldwide, we truly lack the eyes of identifying the truth of a person. Inspite of knowing that outer appearance are deceptive, that a person isn’t always who he shows us to be, we put our faith in people very easily. Where one finds it difficult to find one true friend, I see people having 10 or more bestfriends. Every other person they meet, every person they spend a month of being friends with turns out to be their best-friend. One day they meet and the next day you see them posting pictures on Facebook with the caption “bffs for ever ♥♥”. I really find it surprising that an individual can believe that 10 or more people can be their bestfriends, their soulmates, the ones they can confide in. The word “best-friend” has left no meaning. Because every person you find cannot be your best-friend, an exchange of two words doesn’t define friendship. The tragedy is that the meaning of true friendship has gained the definition that if you can abuse the other one, you’ll are “bffs” and that is the ultimate friendship. Its funny isn’t it that we base our most precious and valuable relationship on the number of abuses friends share. People explain that it shows the level of comfort in the friendship but would you really enjoy being constantly spoken to in a rude manner just to prove that someone is comfortable with you? Is it really the sign of true friendship?

                                                                                      The what would you define as a true friend? A person worthy of your trust? What I truly believe is that you can never go in search of that person and find them. You usually just accidentally bang into them and in no time, you click with them. These “accidents” are planned, planned by the universe to give you were happy ending. When you meet this person, you need not think twice about trusting them. It is involuntary. Every gut feeling tells you to confide in them and assures you that your secrets are safe with them. You don’t find the need to test their friendship because at every turn of life, they have proved to be loyal and have kept the promise of friendship. And the best part about it? You become yourself. You don’t find the need to be different, someone you are not. You can spill your ice cream, fall down the stairs, laugh your heart out sitting on the pavement. You can be YOURSELF. And that is what friendship is truly about. It not the gifts or the abuses or the constant need to be in touch. Its about helping each other grow and helping each other become themselves. The bond of friendship doesn’t waver with time, instead it becomes stringer and a  healthy relationship. It nurtures your soul and helps you become a better self. A friend pushes you to be a better version of yourself and he stands by you. I hope in this crowd of fake people, you find your BEST-FRIEND.

The Day You Are Born.

                                                                   “Birthdays”, one of the most special and looked forward-to days of our life. The shower of gifts,blessings and calls from our loved ones makes us feel cherished and special on that particular day. In today’s world, it is the number of wishes one receives on Facebook and the number of people who devote their status on Whatsapp to your special day, that determine an individual’s contentment. Birthdays are a celebration for your existence in this universe, a party for surviving yet another successful year on the planet. But is it really significant? Does your presence make any difference for the ones around you? Is it that you exist only as a body with flesh and bones which makes no mere transfiguration in the world? Are you born only as a body or has your soul taken birth yet?

                                                                A person, without his own soul and character has no meaning. He isn’t born until the human within him comes to life. The day he realizes his own potential, his talents and capabilities and strives to make a difference in his and other’s lives is the day he takes birth. Birthday is the day we simply come into the world, but when you start living and discover yourself is the day when you really take birth. It is this day that marks your journey towards greatness and unearths your flair. It is this day that distinguishes you from the crowd of people walking aimlessly towards an unknown goal. And the best part of your birthday? You feel the change within you. It is not just physical growth, it is the growth of your mind, your ideas, your personality, your sight to look at situations. It is the growth of your thoughts. When your thoughts grow, you immediately experience the change and the development you undergo. It is this day that needs to be celebrated. It is this day that needs to be remembered and rejoiced. It is this day that you take birth..take birth as an individual. It is not everyone who is fortunate to celebrate their birthday. It is not everybody who is able to discover themselves. A few, a few who thrive hard to search their inner selves and work relentlessly to keep their hold on it celebrate this glory of new life. Others..well, they die even before they can take birth, before they find themselves. But once you find it, treasure that moment, for not everybody is lucky as you are. A person who gets the opportunity of celebrating this birthday, lives his life as a festival, each day filled with happiness and excitement. What more do you need in the world when you have found yourself? Find yourself and the universe will celebrate your birthday.

The Man of My Dreams.

                                                   We belong to a generation that grew up listening to the stories of Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel. They all have the same plot. A princess in distress,a prince comes to save her and they live happily ever after. The one thing that I have always pondered upon about is would the princess live if the prince wouldn’t have come? Would there be no happily ever after if it wasn’t for the prince? Does a girl always need the assistance of a man to get her happy ending?

                                                             As girls who have grown up surrounded by stories of men saving their princess, we’ve nurtured the hopes of our prince charming riding on a white horse and saving us from all the demons that surround us. We rely on a man whom we’ve never met to get rid of our melancholy. Why can’t we do that ourselves? Why do we find the need to pivot on another soul to calm ours? Why do we keep our dreams adjourn and expect the man to fulfill those? “You know when I get married, I will ask my husband to buy me a trunk-load of shoes. You know when I get married I will ask my better half to take me around the world.” Why would you keep everything you love and cherish, your dreams, your goals on hold for someone else? Why do we not do that for ourselves?

Sometimes it is the princess who slays the dragon and saves the prince.

                                                                A lady, no matter what the circumstances are, never gives up her dignity, her self-respect. She never lets herself be a victim to other’s cruelty. She never begs for sympathy, instead, she becomes a person that the world adores, that the world respects. Have you ever met a real woman? The one who marks her impression the the first time you lay your eyes upon her. And no, she does not find the need to reveal her body, sell her dignity or fall prey to someone’s desire. This woman when walks into the room, silence follows and the crowd turns at her to drink in her power. Her aura radiates confidence and independence. Her knowledge intimidates the ones with a myopic attitude. She slays every difficulty that crosses her path. When a storm hits her, she doesn’t let it take her over. Instead she comes out shining, better than who she was before.

                                                         That’s the thing about women. You give them a place made of bricks, they’ll make it a home, you give them a job, they’ll build an empire out of it. Women, as difficult and confusing they may seem, are the simplest of all creatures. You give them something, they give you back something even better. A lady, with all her pros and cons, with all her virtues and vices, will always leave her mark upon you. And that is what separates her from the crowd of naive “girls” that make it their life purpose to beg for attention and thrive for showers of happiness from someone else. A lady carries her dignity and respect up her shoulders and never, I repeat NEVER lets another soul bring her down. And the man of my dreams is me. Me as that lady. The man of my dreams is every women who strives to be that lady.  Be your own man. Or I should say that be your own WOMAN.

 

Log Kya Kahenge?

There are 3 steps to decide your career in India.

1-Develop an interest in a field.

2-Get an approval of your parents.

3-Decide if that profession is accepted in the society. (Repeat step 1 if your interest isn’t socially acceptable.)

                                                  Yes, most of the decisions we take are scrutinized, judged and then commented upon by the society. If you are something other than a doctor, engineer or lawyer, you are not ‘successful’ in life. Who decides that? The “log” part of our society does, the people who think that pursuing something other than the already established and famous fields means that you aren’t good or smart enough. Why is that said? Why is anything other than medical or engineering seem less significant?

                                                        All the actions we take, every person we meet, every place we go, every career we pursue, we are constantly watched and judged by the society. Many dreams have perished due to this life-changing sentence: Log kya kahenge? Under the fear of being judged by the crowd, we give up on our hopes and ambitions, dreams and aspirations. Everything, from our clothes to our life partner to our career is judged by the society. We cannot choose to become a DJ or a hair stylist or a tattoo artist since they fall under the category of “unsuccessful” jobs and then LOG KYA KAHENGE? A girl cannot wear certain types of clothes and a guy cannot have a tattoo on his arm because LOG KYA KAHENGE? You cannot divorce your husband who beats you black and blue because LOG KYA KAHENGE? Each and every step of our life we take, we have to fight with the society to prove ourselves. No matter how successful we are in our life, we can never be good enough for the society. All that is displayed by the public about us are our faults and miseries.

                                                     So what do you do about this? Do you let the community eat up your dreams and let yourself live a life you are clearly unhappy and disappointed with? Will you settle for a daily 9-5 job when you rather live a satisfying life as a DJ or hair stylist? What do you do? What you do is not pay heed to unpleasant comments of the society and do what fits best for you. It is not the society which will stand by you in times of your downfalls so it will not be the society that decides what makes you happy. Prove the society wrong by excelling at what you do. Instead of giving in to the attempts made by the society to bring you down, use it as an inspiration to boost your self esteem. Then when the threatening question, “LOG KYA KAHENGE?” haunts you, tell yourself that Log kahenge, toh kya?

Who created these terrorists?

                                       With the repeated flashes of news of violence, terror and inhumanity all over the world, we all realize how unsafe and terrorizing this world has become. The assurance of reaching back home from work unharmed and alive is a concept that has been crushed by these acts of violence and terrorism. We live in constant fear, fear of being blown up while having our morning coffee, fear of losing our loved one to an act created to spread terror among the people, fear of discovering that your ever-smiling milkman may be a terrorist wearing a mask of smiles and friendliness. We all must have pondered upon this question quite a few times of WHY does this happen? Why are humans so willing to kill other members of their own species? What drives them to this madness? Why do they term “terrorism” merely an act of true and deep “patriotism”? What makes them terrorists?

                                       I think the answer to this is the society. We do know that such kind of people are always driven by the urge to pursue, to prove something. They nurture a certain sort of hatred against a nation, or against the whole world, the humanity in it for that matter. They see the world as evil and consider their act of terrorism as a solution to end this evil. What drives this hatred? It the differences in that prevails in the society. When you ill-treat your maid’s son, are you unknowingly planting a seed of hatred in that little one’s mind? When a certain class of people is treated unfairly, in the field of education, health or job opportunity, is it developing frustration and deep dislike towards the people of the society and the authorities. Constant bickering between two classes of society only adds to the fuel of this lit fire of hatred and detest. An individual, suffering this constant discrimination, ill-treatment and under continuous influence of news of violence, fights and arguments tends to generate emotions of intolerance and resentment towards the society. He no longer believes in the justice system of the authority and resides on extreme measures. He bores a thought that an end to humans will end this evil. And established group of these terrorists feed on these thoughts and use it to destroy the society. So what led to this destruction?

                                           Yes, the lack of sensitivity towards another human being led to this. We as a species, are separated due to our nationality, caste, religion, race, color and what not. We have kept the social norms above humanity. And when terror like this falls upon us, we help them succeed in their motive by turning on each other and blaming a particular religion. Aren’t we simply helping these terrorists win their cause by breaking apart our unity? What we need in times like these is to stand by each other and help eradicate these violent and loathsome mindsets. We need to recognize ourselves as humans first and then as individuals belonging to certain religion. Changing our profile pictures or writing pages about current events won’t help in putting and end to this terror. We need to change our views, our behavior towards each other as humans. Humans without their humanity are simply flesh and bones with nothing to them. Some awareness, some alertness regarding these activities, little tenderness towards the victims and the people around us, a feeling of national pride and commitment makes a lot of difference. These terrorists are a small group of people. If we unite, we stand together as people and fight against them, they have no chance of surviving. The world will be a peaceful place with minimal negativity around us and our future generations. All we need to do is be HUMANS.